Giving Up Alcohol & Social Acceptance
My journey with alcohol has been a long and bumpy road filled with many regrets and mistakes when it comes to my autoimmune disease. It wasn’t until February of 2016 that I finally realized how much it was hurting me and I began to shift to a sober-curious lifestyle. This is one of the biggest topics I discuss with clients because this plays such a big part in recovery! The hardest part about giving up alcohol, isn’t necessarily the not-drinking part of it, but the judgement you get from others and the social anxiety that can take control when you want to go out with friends, but choose not to partake. It’s been a lesson I’m continuing to learn how to manage and hope that my experience can help you.
Alcohol is one of the most inflammatory substances you could put in your body. Not only does it slow down your liver, but it can affect your hormones, contribute to PCOS, can cause blood sugar dysregulation, and can cause an inflammatory response in your gut and your brain. I’m not saying that everyone necessarily needs to give it up indefinitely, but a lifestyle of moderation is one that can keep your body healthy and balanced.
I’ll be the first to admit that this wasn’t something I wanted to give up, nor am I still 100% comfortable with the idea that I may never have a cocktail ever again. It’s a constant battle against my own thoughts to continuously remind myself why I am making this decision and how far I have come since giving it up. I don’t regret this decision, but I won’t pretend to say it’s easy.
A little back story on my experience with alcohol: I first started drinking in college like any American adolescent. The first time I got drunk was camping in the woods with my friends, drinking screwdrivers, while roasting hotdogs and s’mores. I later joined a sorority and the booze continued from there. Every weekend, our plans revolved around going out, drinking with friends. Once I was legal, it was all about going out to the bars for $2 Tuesdays, $3 Thursdays, and breakfast club on the weekends before tailgates. It was never ending, and I’ll be the first to admit that I had no idea what I was doing to my body. I am ashamed to say I blacked out more than a few times. It took a year or two before I started getting hangovers, but it was just a part of the game, and you sleep the whole day to be ready to go out by the next night. I look back on this time like, what was I thinking?! But also, remember them as some of the best times of my life. I have so many fond memories of college, which is why it was so tough to realize that alcohol slowly became my worst enemy.
I graduated college in 2013 and enjoyed going out drinking with my boyfriend back home, with my siblings over the holidays, and on all of our vacations. It was simply just a part of my life and I never questioned it. It took about 2 years of symptoms and experimenting with my diet before I slowly began realizing how alcohol was effecting me.
At the beginning of 2016, my autoimmune disease had been diagnosed, I had given up gluten and dairy, and experimented with paleo for a month or two. I began realizing what my body was trying to tell me and I tried to act on the signals. The last time I got drunk was in February of that year. I hadn’t had much to drink, but by the end of the night, I felt so sick that I ended up getting out of the car on the way home to throw up. The next morning is when things got really scary. It was the worst hangover of my entire life. My head was throbbing, I felt nauseous, my body was sore, my face was inflamed, my stomach was bloated…..and these symptoms continued not just that day, but for another two weeks. I called it my two week hangover. After that, I made the decision to never get drunk again. A few weeks later, we went out for brunch and enjoyed mimosas across the street. After one glass of champagne and orange juice, I became suddenly dizzy and nauseous. My equilibrium was completely off and Justin basically had to carry me home. I realized that day that something was seriously wrong with my liver and my body just wasn’t processing the alcohol. That day, I decided to never drink again, or at least until I could recover to the point where my body could process it again.
I had no idea how people would react. My first outing was for my boyfriend’s birthday and my social anxiety kicked in way before meeting up with our friends. Of course everyone offers to buy you shots as the night begins and I respectfully declined telling them, no thank you. I simply hoped that no one would notice that I wasn’t drinking, but I realized that all people who are drinking care about is who else is drinking! Everyone noticed really fast that I wasn’t holding a drink in hand and started asking questions. The obvious question you always get first is the, “OMG, ARE YOU PREGNANT?”. Omg, noooo. I began to explain that alcohol had been making me sick lately and I just wanted to take a break from it.
This strategy worked for a little while, but then I realized that every time I would see those friends out again they would be like, ARE YOU DRINKING NOW?! SHOTS?! And I decided it was time to shift my explanation. I started carrying around a cup, or beverage, and realized people were less likely to ask questions if you had something in hand. A soda water with lime, a La Croix in a coozie, or just a solo cup filled with water. I was way less noticed and my social anxiety definitely dialed down after that, but naturally….in April of 2016, all of my friends from college decided to go back to school to celebrate the biggest party week at Indiana University, Little 500. The entire weekend is all about drinking and that was the first time I felt like an outcast. The biggest discovery I made that weekend was realizing that no matter how many times you tell people you aren’t drinking, they will still try to get you to drink or make you feel bad about not drinking….UNTIL, I decided to tell people the truth. I started saying that I can’t drink anymore because I have an autoimmune disease and alcohol makes me sick. No one in the world could make me feel bad about that decision and I began getting less backlash about why I was staying sober. The more honest I was about it, the more curious people became. I started having friends ask me about how I came to that decision and wanted to hear about how giving up alcohol had affected me positively. I couldn’t believe how all of these people that had once been confused by my choice, now wanted to know more about it. More people started admitting that they felt like they should give up alcohol as well! I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.
My fancy coconut water, alcohol-free, in Mexico! Just because you don’t drink booze, doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy fun drinks.
I was 25 when I decided to stop drinking, which is why I felt like so many people were confused about it. Everyone that was my age were still interested in partying and I felt like the odd man out. But, as I’ve gotten older, I’ve realized that no one really feels good heavily drinking anymore. The older we get, the harder it is for our bodies to process the alcohol and the less we truly want to get drunk for fun on a regular basis anymore. As we enter into our late 20’s, the majority of my friends enjoy a casual cocktail, but aren’t interested in the party-life as much anymore. I’m relieved, to say the least.
But, what if you are a part of a family that enjoys to kick back and slam down a few bottles of wine, or you’re single and interested in dating? How could you possibly transition to a sober lifestyle when every social event in your life revolves around alcohol?? My greatest advice is to make a confident and long-lasting decision for yourself and determine your WHY. My why was that alcohol made me sick and I feel better when I don’t drink….Once you figure out your reason, it makes things a lot easier and people will be supportive when they realize you are being vulnerable. As far as dating goes, of course it would be easier to try and find a partner that isn’t very interested in alcohol….but not drinking doesn’t mean you can’t go out and have fun. I actually enjoy myself way more now going out because I don’t get as tired and I don’t feel as shitty the next morning. I’m way more aware of my surroundings and am able to socialize with everyone instead of just drink in my own little world and make sloppy choices throughout the night. PLUS, everyone loves me because I am always the designated driver! Your friends and family love you no matter if you’re drinking or if you’re not drinking. I’ve found that my friends just want me to come out with them because they enjoy my presence, not because I’ll get drunk with them. The most meaningful lesson I’ve learned throughout this is that the people that truly care, won’t give a shit if you’re drinking or not.
I always have a few tricks up my sleeve though when I get the urge to have a little fun!! A creative way to feel like I’m a part of the group when alcohol is involved is kombucha or Topo Chico because it’s bubbly and looks fun in a champagne flute. My wonderful friend who got married last year asked me to be a bridesmaid and insisted on buying me Topo Chico sparkling mineral water to have at the bar so that I could be a part of their wedding toast. It was one of the nicest things a friend has done for me. And as far as housewarming gifts, birthday celebrations, and holiday gift exchanges go, easy replacements for alcohol can always be house plants, chocolate bars, or candles.
I promise full honesty here, and I will tell you that I have drank alcohol since I gave it up. It was only a handful of special occasions to test the waters, and see how my body handled it. I would always talk with my doctor about it first to make sure my body was in a strong enough place to process it, but when you go on a week-long vacation to Tulum, Mexico you want some mezcal on the beach! The thing that sucked was that I really couldn’t tolerate more than 1 or 2 drinks a day, which is barely enough to feel tipsy. I ended up not drinking after the first day or two because it felt pointless, I was wasting money, and I didn’t even really enjoy the taste as much as I remembered I did. I ended up getting sick after the trip due to my immune system probably being down from the alcohol and my body being inflamed. It never ends up being worth it and it always reminds me why I gave it up in the first place.
I really feel like the biggest gift staying sober has given me has been confidence. I can proudly attend any event without anxiety and I know what to expect throughout the night. I have gotten to the point where I don’t really care what anyone thinks about me, and when I do go out, I have an amazing time with people that truly want me there to enjoy myself. I’m lucky to have a boyfriend that still enjoys his whiskey, and lets me be a part of it by sniffing everything he tries without it being weird. I no longer feel like I’m missing out because I’m so happy with the decision I’ve made. I encourage anyone who is curious about trying this to give it a shot. What’s the worst thing that could happen? It gave me so much clarity and strength, on top of the amazing health benefits I saw once I gave it up for good. I joke now that the only shots I take are turmeric ginger shots and am proud of it.
If you rely on alcohol to feel happy, escape from stress, or battle anxiety, I strongly recommend seeking out professional help. You’re not alone and there are other ways to help you get through this and feel better. The signals your body is trying to send you should be listened to and not numbed by alcohol. There are ways to get better, and if you would like to reach out to me about Nutritional Therapy to help combat anxiety, please message me. I’ll be happy to direct you to someone who can help if I’m unable to.